Time To Say Sorry

Happily enough, I managed to get to see Gabriel on his birthday, but not on the most pleasant of territories.

It was one of those 'first step through the door' moments. As I mentioned yesterday, I was not expecting much in the way of birthday celebrations for MiddleSon; at least not within my household - at Lian's it would presumably be a different matter. But this was not the case. Andrew collared me as I was removing my scarf and coat and said he thought I'd better have a word with Gabriel, as he'd barricaded himself inside his room as soon as he'd come home. I placed my coat carefully on the hooks by the kitchen door, then took the dozen or so steps up to Gabriel's room.

I didn't bother knocking on his door, or trying the handle - I am sure Andrew would not be likely to misrepresenting the situation as this is of course not the first time Gabriel has not chosen solitary self-enforced confinement as a method of dealing with something. I put my ear slightly towards the door so see if I could here anything, but nothing. So I said, Gabriel?

Still nothing - although maybe I heard a sniff; not sure. So I cleared my throat and said Andrew says you seem upset, can I talk to you about it?

In the past it's taken several attempts for me to break down Gabe's Leave-me-alone-cos-I'm upset resistance, but today it took barely a whimper before I heard sounds inside his room indicating his furniture being moved around. Then his door croaked upon a few inches. I wondered if he was about to come out, but when he didn't appear I recognised the door opening as an unspoken invitation towards entry. So in I went.

Gabe had re-seated himself on the floor with his head against the bed. His upset was obvious; his eyes were swollen and his cheeks were glisteningly red. There was also a trail of blood down the side of his face, starting around his right ear.

I parked myself down beside him, and said: Lian?

Gabriel sniffed again, then nodded, brushing some hair out of his eyes. I asked him why he had barricaded himself inside his room as I thought he was too mature now for such tactics. He said he didn't want either Andrew or Lukas to see him in this state. I could quite empathsise with this - when I began exploring girls at fourteen Colin's eleven-year-old-boy-pain-in-the-ass quotient exploded exponentially.

I went on to ask Gabe what had occurred. He said he'd had a row with Lian that morning and that she'd finished with him. I asked what the row was about and Gabe told me it was because Lian hadn't got him anything for his birthday. Gabe said: I said I got angry and tried to pull my earring out but it wouldn't come out so I made my ear bleed. The blood on his face looked quite recent, which I pointed out. Gabe said he'd tried to clean himself up once he was home but the ear just started bleeding again. I glanced at it and told him it'd probably be best to leave it alone for the rest of the evening.

Then I said did Lian say why she didn't get you anything for your birthday? Gabe said she didn't really say anything. Then he admitted he didn't really give her chance to say anything.

I asked if Lian had ever asked what Gabriel would want for his birthday. Gabe shook his head then said she never said a thing. I sort of guessed she wasn't that interested, but I still expected her to get me something. But she didn't get me a thing. Then when I got angry, she said she didn't want me to be her boyfriend any more - that's when I tried to rip my earring out. People started laughing at me then I started getting really mad and getting mad made me cry and more people started laughing at me so I ran off. I haven't seen her since then.

So I said to Gabriel: Did you ever consider looking up how birthdays are celebrated in Myanmar? Gabe looked at me with a puzzled-little-boy expression, then asked me what I meant. So I went on: I know Lian was born in this country, but from what little I've learnt about her and her family they still maintain their cultural standards around Myanmar rather then here. Gabriel said I still don't understand you, so I said Lian still does things as if she was living in Myanmar, and not in England.

Gabe said: What's that got to do with her not getting me a birthday present? So I explained: What do you know about the way they celebrate birthdays in Myanmar? Pressie-giving is a very capitalist thing, you know. You've no idea what Lian thought she was supposed to do. If she's never received presents herself on her birthday, she'd hardly likely to think of getting you one on yours. For all you know, she might have been expecting you to get her a present. That might be what they do in Myanmar, I don't know, I've not really a clue. I think you've been very rash and I'm sorry to say you're paying the consequences. I'm sorry, but it's just lazy thinking if you consider every culture does things the same way.

Gabriel's face began to redden further. He said: So you're saying I should have gotten her a present? I said not necessarily, but I think you should have checked first with, say, Maung, of what happens on birthdays in Myanmarese culture. You've just assumed things happen in the same manner they happen in Western culture and hence you're in a mess.

Gabe took in a huge lungful of bedroom funk then let it out slowly. Then said, okay, what do I do?

I told him I didn't really know, other than apologise. Gabriel frowned and said why should I apologise? I don't even know if I've done anything wrong - what would I be apologising for? So I told him: When it comes to women and apologising, it doesn't really matter if you've done anything wrong. Just say sorry and I'm sure they'll think of *something* you've done wrong.