One Word Too Many

I've never been able to deal with the tensions that exist between two parties when some grievance has arisen between them, hence dirtying the air and making an argument or at the very least a warm discussion between them. I experienced this several times with Poppy - at many stages of our marriage on a daily basis. Eventually we both learnt that it aided the continuation of our sanity(s) if we slept whenever a disagreement arose, then awoke in the morning and ignored that such a disagreement ever happened. This only worked for the petty ones of course. The more major ones often required the services of a United Nations negociation to lessen the chances of a major world incident breaking out. Such as my reluctance to embrace fatherhood once Andrew flopped out of Poppy's womb and put my childhood things to one side. If she could see me now - having had fatherhood (and sole fatherhood) thrust upon threefold there's hardly anything of me left that isn't a father. I wonder if she'd approve? I doubt it - she'd find some chink of a fault somewhere. There was only ever room in the Universe for one perfect being as far as Poppy was concerned and of course that was the role she selflessly devoted herself to. Until *that* gene kicked in and started eating her brain. Then everything changed.

Back to the future. My current dilemma is with my brother, who - having obviously given my home phone number to my dad - has allowed accidentally the first word spoken between myself and my father to pass between us for well over a decade. And I ain't exactly feeling chipper about it. You can think of me what you want - I'd thoroughly both hoped and expected my dad to die without me ever speaking to him, seeing him or even acknowledging him as my father. I am a forgiving person most of the time, but some positions in your family and their associated responsibilities mean some acts - if perpetrated - cannot so easily be forgiven and forgotten.

Am I over-reacting? It was just a word. One word. And I didn't even have to say anything in response to picking up the phone, so it's not wholly not my fault. But just hearing his voice felt like the punch that killed Houdini. And for added power there was the additional consideration that the person I expected to be on the other end of the phone was someone I wanted to talk to a great deal; instead I got the one person I wouldn't speak unless you threatened one of my children with torture. That's what makes it so outrageous.

Colin has tried to broach the subject of this with me a couple of times but each time I've smacked him down with a dedicated affirmation that I've no willingness to discuss it. There are questions I have that I need answers to but at the moment I do not want to ask them. The highest in priority being why Colin saw any reason for him to give my dad my home phone number. He cannot pretend that he does not know how I feel about my dad and him having any association with me or my children. It was a stupid and thoughtless thing to do.

Moving on...

Of course I am not the only one having family problems; and I can add Sarah as a member of that club. She's having problems with Ruth, based around Daniel's girlfriend and *her* children. Daniel only has Ruth every other weekend, but since Christmas Ruth has shown a reluctance to go to her dad's because of the way his girlfriend's children treat her. I learnt all this when Sarah called me last night.

I asked if these children were the kind seemingly possessed by demons. Sarah paused a little and said she'd only met them once and they seemed okay - if disinterested, clinging and blank-faced qualifies as okay. She explained that Ruth is not the kind of girl that takes any form of ribbing or sarcasm or name-calling well. She's not a bully-victim, Sarah went on - She has an expected number of friends and seems to be warmly enthusisatic about school and there are no problems; or at least none that Sarah is aware of. But she likes to hang around with "nice girls" and runs a mile if any with more dubious intentions happen along.

I told her I could be of no help whatsoever as the father of three boys. Sarah went on to chat about them a little while. I updated her about Gabriel and Lian (not that there seems to be much to update there), then she said she was surprised Andrew had not gotten himself a girlfriend yet as from the photos I'd shown of him he looked quite a catch. This formed furrows in my brow until I realised I'd never let on about Andrew's preference for boys. It never occurs to me to - Andrew is homosexual and homosexuality is Andrew; it's nothing to pay special attention to. Unless he dates either ne'erthewells or his former teachers...

Back to Ruth, Sarah said that Ruth doesn't like going to her dad's because he now lives on the edges of Portsmouth meaning that when she visits she's well out of any sort of familiar environment, and she doesn't like to spend time away from her friends. So she may just be using the kids-from-hell excuse to create a stink. I laughed a little and said it's good to know I'm not the only parent in the world with manipulative children. Sarah laughed as well, so that was good.

Then I got a telling off for having not previously told Sarah that tomorrow is Gabriel's fourteenth birthday. She said she would have sent at least a card if she'd have known. I apologised and said his birthday seemed to have crept up on me (as do all events these days) and he hasn't made a fuss and doesn't like one.

We talk more without really talking about anything and then we mutually ended the call. I like conversations like that.

So, another big day tomorrow: Gabe's 14th. And yes, yet again, it makes me feel old.