e = π

Prior to yesterday, the quota of my children considering joining myself and Colin for our sort-of holiday to sort-of Germany (and other bits of Europe) stood at 66.67%, a figure it remains at, although the personal have performed a bit of a switch.

Andrew has agreed to go. Colin has purposefully been nice to him for a few days, or at least has ignored him aside from the usual cordial exchanges. My brother has not even mentioned that Andrew The Vegetarian returned to dairy milk three days after the soya milk switch. This was due to Andrew's discovery if you leave soya milk out of the fridge for longer than half-an-hour it goes off with almost radioactive swiftness. Plus it's pretty horrible in tea, and coffee (I know, I tried it).

But as one son says yes, another son says no. Gabriel now claims he does not want to go, which is an eyebrow-raiser as previously he's seem the keenest out of all three to go (normally, this would have been Lukas but he remembers how Holly and Amber habitually pestered him which they were around at Christmas and although I've explained to him we will be unlikely to see much of that pair I don't think he quite believes me). Gabriel's claim is that he would miss Lian too much, which I think is only partly true. I'm sure any sort of relationship would be able to sustain despite a week or so's separation, even a fledgling, juvenile one. I think's Gabe's a little too concerned that Lian may find someone else with which to practise her newly-discovered hobby of prolonged kissing with. But then again, I do remember relationships when I such an age to be uniform in brevity and lacking in solidity. The good-looking boys and the good-looking girls seem to swap partners almost on a hourly-basis. You need some kind of colour-coded filing system if you so desired to keep track of things.

So maybe Gabe has a point. But I have the better point as he will only *just* be fourteen when we skedaddle over to Deutschland, so cannot be left on his own. I'll have to persuade gently, and if that fails, it'll be me donning my voice-changing dalek helmet and yelling "YOU WILL OBEY!!!"

I have a date with Sarah, on Tuesday. Or at least I think I do. Yes - I do. I phoned her on her mobile last yesterday evening, but she didn't reply. So I left a message: I suggested meeting at half six on Tuesday at a pub near the nearest cinema, then going to see Slumdog Millionaire, then further drinking and Oscar-winning film discussion over further beverages, then back to mine for coffee and rampant carnal activities all over the kitchen. I made that last bit up, but you can but hope. It was a while before I got a reply, half ten in fact, and then it was just a text: OK :). Realised by phoning Sarah on my mobile she now has my mobile number *and* landline number, so if she turns out to be some weirdo stalker type lady, and her over-familiarity with my life after an eight-minute encounter points in that direction, getting shot of her will now be doubly difficult.

But I'm being ridiculous. She's probably perfectly lovely, far too good for me, I'll fall for her and she'll avoid me like I avoid any film starring Steve Martin made in the last ten years. One chicken's egg, two chicken's eggs, three chicken's eggs, four chicken's eggs...

Told Colin this morning that my date is confirmed. He immediately decided he was now in control of the whole affair. His first task he says is to review my wardrobe. I wish him luck and I've been keeping my eye plastered on www.reviewmywardrobe.com all morning. It is rather lovely that my brother seems forever willing to educate me in - well - *all* matters, really.

Speaking of education, I have severe questions now concerning the education my children are receiving, or at least my youngest child is receiving. For yesterday's dinner, only Lukas was around out of my three, although we had a special guest in Danny. During the meal, Danny suddenly came out with the startling news that he knew the equation for an atom. No idea where this came from, or where it was going to end up, so I let it flow a little while. Lukas asked what the equation was, and Danny announced it was e=π. I explained the error of his ways (which took some time), pointing out that π was a symbol, representing the number you get if you divide the circumference of a circle by it's diameter, and had nothing to do with atoms. Danny explained that I was wrong, as his uncle told him this to me the case. So I asked if Danny's uncle was a research particle physicist working on the Large Hadron Collidor. But no, Danny said he was a milkman, so that told me.

Lukas said that he'd heard of π, and it was something like three point one four six recurring. I spat out my mashed potato and told him that the whole point of π was that it didn't recur, it went on infinitely [puzzled looks] forever. Danny said that that wasn't possible, as "you can divide any number by any number, sometimes you get fractions and stuff". I said that π did probably end somewhere but there was no computer yet devised on Earth that had got there.

Danny went on: How can the circumference/diameter thing be true? So I repeated my explanation, and he all snubbed this, saying that if you got a really big circle, say something as big as the sun, then when you divided the circumference by the diameter you'd get "a really big number, certainly bigger than three."

Lukas, perhaps upset that his mate knew more about the elemental secrets of the Universe, asked if we knew that one day the sun will explode. To test, I asked why this would happen, to which he brightly announced "when all the methane runs out".

I *almost* gave up. But went on to explain that methane was what cows f@rt, and the gas in question was helium. Professor Danny dismissed this as well as helium is 'what makes balloons float'. I moved on to making jokes around a giant, continually-farting cow powering the sun, which were met with approval.

Eduction Schmeducation.