Buggerallosity

I think Gabriel opening up to me a little on Thursday night has done both of us a world of good. He's certainly cheered up a heck of a deal, even joining me and Lukas last night for a gentleman's evening of DVDs and pizza. Or at least he did until about halfway into my somewhat left-field choice of 'The Fall' when he announced is it just me, or is this nuts? He went back to his room, but returned once the habitual Friday night fest of QI and Buzzcocks commenced.

I almost had a perfect TV moment t'other night when I flicked on to an old Have I Got News For You and the line up was of a dreamlike quality: Ian Hislop & Paul Merton of course (which usually is sufficient for me), hosted by Jack Dee (probably currently the best stand-up there is, although I've never actually seen him live), with guests Charlie Brooker (of the subliminal Screenwipe) and Russell Brand (of the slightly less than subliminal former Radio Two show that was certainly entertaining enough if you ignored the constant 'The Adventures of Russell Brand's Genitalia' quotient). I should have Skyplussed it for posterity. Unfortunately we do not have Skyplus but that's what everyone says these days. If you say 'videoed it' hired goons come out and point and laugh at you.

I feel asleep on the settee (another sign of approaching senility) about half ten and awoke a good hour later to find Gabriel and Lukas still up and watching Family Guy. The last time I did this I woke up to find the pair watching Trainspotting - and watching Ewan McGregor having a little bit of lady-funtime. I immediately found the remote and switched off and ushered the naughty lads to bed, although Lukas still had time to ask me if he could ask me a question. We'd already had the birds-n-bees chat by then but I was still a little wary of what he was going to ask, so was relieved when he said was that the bloke who was Obi-Wan Kenobi. I told him no, that was Alec Guinness. And I was of course, right.

And so as Gabe cheers up, Andrew ... remains apparently contented with his lot as well. I'd love to know the identity of whoever it is who's making him a shiny happy person at the moment, but I guess'll it come out in time. We brushed past each other last night just as he was off. He's certainly looking chipper, not as pale and as gaunt as we've become more used to seeing him. He was looking really good, in clothes that if they weren't new they were certainly new to my eyes. I wish he'd get his hair cut though (it's of course a father's duty to say such a thing) as it's flowing freely onto his shoulders now. I'm not jealous - he just happens to be younger than me, much much much much thinner than me (and much much much much thinner that I have ever been), much better looking then me and has much nicer hair than me. But at least I...

I may have to get back to you on that one. And I may be some time.

I asked him where he was off to - not in a sense of needing to know because I don't trust him, but in a sense of general amiable curiosity and conversation. Honest. Didn't work anyway as he said just out, before pulling on his jacket. I told him to be back by eight thirty. He looked at me in horror before realising I was joshing. Ho ho ho.

So - whoever it is I hope it's a better choice than Kevin. The image of my three and Kevin rolling around on Andrew's bedroom floor on the occasion when Kevin's ardour became too much is one I think I'll never successfully erase from inside my cranium. Okay, so it wasn't exactly rape, but it sure showed up Kevin for the person that he was. Despite the things he did whilst he was very briefly with us I still feel sorry for him, wherever he currently is, and I do hope he is all right. I know I could have done a bit more for him, but I don't think I didn't do enough, or gave him enough chances. And I did leave the final decision up to Andrew. Past history, I hope. I know Andrew can do much better and deserves a lot better, and I hope that what's he's currently receiving.

I think both my heart and liver desire a lot better that what they are currently in receipt of as well, but no joy there. Too much drinking, too little exercise is usually a criticism, but currently it the mood of life I've settled into, sadly. I did intend to try some running this morning but that back strain I thought I'd recovered from has come back to vex me, so I haven't. I am slowly but surely falling apart.

Little things seem to bring me joy at the moment. And I don't just mean Lukas. In today's Independent on Saturday there was a free CD by Sigur Ros, who are some Scandinavian types who did that Hoppipolla thing that was ubiquitous a couple of years back. Not heard much else from them so was quite excited (I usually eschew any newspaper offering a free CD/DVD on principle) - until I played it. Quite brave of them to employ a cat being neutered as the lead singer. That's a little harsh actually as a couple of the other tracks were quite listenable to, until the whole thing petered out with several hours of boring piano chords and little tinkly noises. Still - at least I experienced a tantalising touch of expectation, before it was largely dashed.

Today, I have mostly been doing bugger all. And have felt quite happy about it as well. Indeed I am planning a complete extended period of buggerallosity this very evening. Isn't life hard, sometimes?