This May Be The Start Of Something

So, in the end, I returned Sarah's call. I decided the best policy to be for me would be have no expectations; and make no rehearsals as I am habitually guilty of. Just pick up the phone, listen to what she has to say, make conversation and see what happens going forwards. I did have to wonder exactly what I was becoming. Apart from an idiot, of course.

Yesterday evening found me alone. I had no idea where Andrew was - I was just glad he was out somewhere as he's been a social hermit for about a fortnight now, which I don't think is good for him at all. Gabriel I assume was at Lian's, although I'd no evidence of that, but if he's not at home, school or kick-boxing there's hardly anywhere else he's likely to be. Lukas had left me a note blu-tacked to the fridge saying he was at Danny's. Colin was not around - which was the biggest relief - and indeed has hardly been around all week. I genuinely hope he's carving inroads into his alleged quest for employment and accomodation.

So I came home to emptiness (aside from Ripley who immediately set about playing with my socks which soon became a tad annoying as I was still wearing them) and Lukas's note, fixed just below Sarah's phone number. As my solitude wasn't broken as I fixed myself a cheese salad sandwich and once I'd wolfed it down I decided that I really ought to phone Sarah, for politeness-sake at the very least. So I grabbed the phone and punched in her number, forcing a burp out that was hiding in my stomach, just in case.

The first voice I heard was female, although obviously not an adult. It said hello - and I was a bit taken aback as of course I was all prepared to be talking to someone significantly older. I quickly pondered the protocol in such circumstances - should I just ask for mummy, as I was assuming I was speaking to Ruth, Sarah's daughter, or should I make at least an initial indication of who I was, and exchange three-second's worth of pleasantries? In the end I plumped for a friendly Is that Ruth? Followed by a request to talk to her mother, once the high-pitched voice on the older end had confirmed that she was indeed, Ruth.

I heard the phone being clunked down and the sound of footsteps fading. And then muffled voices. And then nothing...

After about forty seconds of nothingness I attemped a loud "hello?" down the phone but to no avail, and I could imagine the phone on the other end of the line sitting forlorn and forgotten, wherever that was - if it was our phone it would be on top of the fridge.

I wondered if I should replace the receiver and try again, or just wait. In the end I waited. And then I waited a bit more. Then I hung up, redialed the number, and got the engaged tone.

Damn. This was not the success I was hoping it was going to be. I waited a few minutes before trying again, and this time I got four ring-tones before it was answered and to my relief, I finally found myself speaking to Sarah. For want of anything better I could think of to say, I said Hi, It's Bryn.

Oh, hi Bryn, Sarah replied with reassuring brightness. Did you just ring a few minutes ago and speak to Ruth? I told her I did, but then that the line when dead. Sarah apologised and said I was in the bath, didn't Ruth get back to you? I said no, but not to worry.

Then a unexpected silence began. Which then unexpectedly stretched. Until finally I said you rang me, a couple of days ago?

Sarah replied in a thoughtful voice: I did. I did indeed.

When this prompted nothing further, I apologised for not getting back to her sooner, explaining that I'd had a busy couple of days (which was of course, not exactly truthful). Sarah said there for no need for me to apologise. And again, followed this up with a silence I had no idea how to fill. So for a second time I thought things were not going a quarter as well as I had hoped.

But finally Sarah spoke. She said, I'm sorry I haven't rung to speak to you earlier, but ... I've been thinking quite a bit about things, and I'm not the bravest person in the world, as you've probably noticed.

I said I hadn't; whilst wondering where all this was going.

Sarah half-laughed and said: You see, I'm a terrible coward. Which is why I was so awful to you after our meal together.

Again, I felt a need to interject and deny any wrong-doing on her part, so I did so. But Sarah dismissed this, saying that it was clear I didn't want the evening to end, and she'd been wrong to leave me standing outside the Travelodge all alone and abandoned.

This seemed to be getting a little awkward; I had visions of Sarah imagining me to be some one-dimensional sex-addict, but I didn't really know how I was going to disillusion her of this.

But she pressed on: The thing is, Bryn, since I've been back in Southampton my mind has surprised me. It's surprised me how much I've been thinking of you.

[oh be still my beating heart]

Then Sarah said: And the weirdest thing is, I don't know how to stop thinking about you, or even if I want to stop thinking about you.

My breathing quickened, and I couldn't think of a single thing to say.

But before I could say the things I didn't have to say, Sarah said: I'm sorry Bryn, I shouldn't have called you. Plus this is a bad time as I have to go out as I have to take Ruth to Daniel's (whom I assumed to be her ex) as it's his turn to have her and I can't really talk any further.

She asked me to ring her again tomorrow, early afternoon, when she had more time. Then we exchanged goodbyes and the call ended.

So more opportunity for my mind to continue to turn somersaults. But by golly, I will be ringing Sarah a little later on today.