Too Much Thinking

Last night's long trip up to Manchester gave me ample time to think about what needs to be thought about, which was not, on the whole, a good thing. But not totally unproductive.

I daren't attempt any cross-country routes, even though the weather has eased off over the last day or so, so it was straight up the M6. I do not like the M6 - I once had three weeks in a previous job in Preston which did not go at all well and it brings back many unhappy reflections of the time, especially as it took place between Andrew and Gabriel's births so Andrew was still very much a baby and I missed him and Poppy in a way that was beyond painful. The first week I stayed in Preston, then the second week I tried commuting but found five hours in a car every day unbearable beyond the extreme. So week three it was back to a cheap hotel. I may not have survived any longer than three weeks - so thankfully the funding for the project was slashed, the whole thing was de-scoped and I was allowed to return to my usual office. Some people manage this routinely as part of their normal working lives - we had one guy with us who left his family behind in Bradford every Monday morning and didn't see them again until Friday afternoon, and carried on in this fashion for over seven years. How can you be satisfied in missing so much of your children's lives? They're not going to stop growing up and wait until you've a bit more time for them. Each to their own, but it's not for me. Sometimes I feel so strongly we humans have settled so easily in having our priorities skewed. No-one lies on their death bed saying, “Gee, if only I’d spent more time at the office”, as someone very famous once said, although not famous enough to cause me to remember who they are or were. I simply do not subscribe the idea that life is a competition and whoever gets to the end of it with the most toys is the winner, as some seem to do. But again, I've no right to tell anyone how to live their lives. Except...

God, that's one hell of a meander.

I've decided to Best Case Scenario the situation between Andrew and David. Indeed I've even started to use his Christian name. I hope - I really hope that Andrew has just gone to David at his old school for support and advice, as David may have proven in the past to be one of those teachers who you'd think might be willing to provide it..

Of course this takes a lot of faith, but I do have to keep telling myself: You'd have to be an utter numbskull to put your career, reputation and virtually the rest of your life on the line just because you got the hots for some fifteen-year-old. But if that was actually the case, what are the odds of Andrew being the first boy David had taken a liking to? And how would he manage to get away with something and survive at least five years or so in the job and at the school. Surely it only takes one wrong glance or one wrong touch and investigations take place. It doesn't wash.

What is happening and what Andrew wants to happen may be two separate things. I tend to side with Lukas in that Andrew maybe has started to enjoy becoming the centre of things - he's certainly been central to most things that have happened to us over the past few months. I think Andrew needs a little education in this matter.

The only thing that really does concern me are the texts. Now - granted that Andrew is not actually at the same school (technically) as David, but used to be, I have to ask the appropriateness of David giving Andrew his mobile number. But then there's more assuming here: Maybe Andrew got the number some other way? It can be pretty easy to get someone's mobile - perhaps David is the kind of person who reveals too much of themselves on Facebook or Bebo or MySpace or whatever.

The texts themselves do not help me settle things, being so ambiguous and easy to interpret whichever way you want:

Andrew: Can't wait to do sexy stuff with you again. Life here is the usual hell - my pi$$ed-up dad's been punching me again, the c*nt.
David: Me 2. Hopefully tomoz. Hope all is ok and hes leaving u alone. Take care, Buddha.

or

Andrew: Annoyed with the weather, bored at home, want the college to re-open. My brother is annoying me.
David: Me 2. Hopefully tomoz. Hope all is ok and hes leaving u alone. Take care, Buddha.

I'll hopefully have some answers tomorrow.

David himself, will receive one answer. Whatever is going on, whether it's a highly illegal and inappropriate relationship (in which case I'll be spending Sunday night in the cells) or just a shoulder-provision service - it's stopping. And I suspect Andrew is going to hate me for that - at least for a short time. I can live with that more than I could live with learning in the future that untoward things were going on but I was stupid to do anything about it.

My brother's plane landed on the nail and I picked him up perfectly as arranged. He seemed quite spellbound by the weather, saying looking out of the window of the plane as they were coming down to land and seeing the country covered in white stuff (as far as he could in the darkness) was both thrilling and breathtaking. We did all the lumping the luggage around and stuff and were soon down the M6 again, me thanking the inventor of Red Bull and Colin drowning out Dinosaur Jr with his snores, which is quite a feat.

Today, as a thank you Colin took myself, Gabe and Lukas out to lunch at a riverside pub I know that does excellent food. Upon looking on the net I to see what time it was open I discovered a 30% off voucher you could download and print. The bill still came to nearly £60 though for all four of us. Colin successfully managed to fake that this was not discomforting to him, but I suspected otherwise.