Putting A Stop To It

Well, I've put a stop to it. I don't know if I've done the right thing, but I think I have. If Andrew wants to talk to anyone about his issues, then he has me. We've always been very open with each other, and I don't know why he sought support and advice from another party (although I have my suspicions) but unless its along official lines, it's not going to happen again.

I've learnt quite a bit about Andrew - he's certainly a more complex individual than I thought him to be (you can never quite shake the thought of your children being children, can you? Andrew's certainly straddling the border between childhood and adulthood - there's no way I can deny that). He can also be surprisingly manipulative, down to the things David told me this afternoon that Andrew has said about me. It's certainly changed my feelings about him, and I can't pretend that it hasn't dented our relationship; but then I've chucked the bones over my shoulder and they've foretold me much bigger dents lie ahead in the road. I sincerely hope we're both successful in navigating them. But things are going to change, and I doubt I can do much to prevent that.

Andrew is no longer that skinny ten-year-old with the mop of dark brown hair and the gorgeous brown eyes; the one whose school books were kept with preternatural neatness and who once cried off-and-on for an entire week when he'd seen Stand By Me and Explorers then enquired why River Phoenix did not make films any more. I miss him.

David did not protest at all when I told him I want any contact between him and Andrew to cease. In fact, he looked quite relieved when I requested this of him. He confessed that perhaps he had not handled Andrew's attention towards him at all well, but then said it had been the first time something like this had happened to him and although he knew all the official things he ought to have done he found it difficult to set things in motion. If he *had* set things officially in motion no doubt I'd know have been questioned by the social services as to why I am constantly drunk and why I lash out at all my sons. I don't think such enquiries would have lasted too long - Andrew claims he has his suspicious that I broke Lukas' arm, and I certainly have enough witnesses to prove it happened on a basketball court.

The mobile phone thing - David has no idea how Andrew got his mobile number and Andrew won't tell him. I asked him about the content of some texts but he said he couldn't remember much about them. The first request had been for a talk about mathematics as Andrew claimed to be struggling with his GSCE (which is ridiculous - if he doesn't walk the top grade then I'm Barak Obama) and didn't get on at all with his current teacher (not so ridiculous as I don't get on with her either) but swiftly admitted he was after a safe haven after getting beaten up, plus someone to talk to about me. Or rather about this violent, pissed-up dad he also seems to have. David said he contacted Andrew's current teacher who said Andrew was not struggling at all, so David realised perhaps all that came out of my eldest's mouth was not strictly true.

Other questions: Has Andrew been to your house? No, of course not, although he has asked to. He does not know where I live, or if he does, I haven't told him.

What did you mean who had a good relationship with Andrew when he was twelve? Just that some pupils you always remember because they are pleasant, and work hard, and are no trouble, and you end up looking forwards to teaching them. It helps balance things again the children who are nothing but little $hits that make your job such a nightmare at times.

Why Buddha? Because I'm a Buddhist. Lots of kids call me that, some with affection, some as an insult. Perhaps it's not appropriate, but I don't make a big deal of it.
Can I enquire as to your sexuality? You may, but it's my business.

Are you in a relationship? Yes.

Do you think Andrew is attracted to you? I don't think that to be the case.

Are you aware that other parents are aware of a possible relationship between yourself and my son? No I am not, and I'm naturally horrified to hear you say that.

So, as I said, David has agreed to curtail any contact with Andrew, and even agreed to make it look as if this is entirely his choice and has nothing to do with me. I doubt this fool Andrew though, hence the rocky times ahead.

Do I believe David? I think I do. I like to think I can read people very easily (although I seemed to have failed miserably with the current version of Andrew) and both the relief in that I was ending the contact between them and the horror upon learning that the rumours were starting seemed wholly genuine. Nothing seemed pre-rehearsed with his answers.

So where does this leave Andrew? No Kevin, and now no Mr Alridge. I do seem to be shrinking his life, somewhat. But I'm both annoyed and upset, especially at being painted as a violent drunk as tool to maybe get someone's trousers off, and I think I have every right to feel that way.

I shall be de-grounding Andrew and returning his mobile this evening. David will be doing his bit tomorrow, or whenever Andrew tries to contact him again. Then I shall await the lighting of the blue touchpaper and will hopefully be able to retire several paces.

Nothing else to report. Colin spent an awkward night on the sofa, and awoke this morning with a painful back. I asked him over coffee about his immediate plans but he confessed that currently, he didn't have many. This set the alarms bells off in my skull, but he reassured me his status as a house-guest here would not be prolonged. He has a contact with whom he is visiting, Monday afternoon. I have my fingers crossed for both of us.