Being Normal

You know what? I'm going to have a normal life from this point onwards. I've decided. It's my very delayed New Year's resolution. I don't think my life is that much different from anyone else with three (almost) teenage boys, although I don't have much to compare it with. I think in the past I've been guilty of sticking in two dozen eggs and making one omelette.

Lukas is no different to any other twelve-and-half-year-old. Except that currently he has a broken arm. But that's well on the way to mending - in fact he's scheduled to have the cast removed in the next couple of weeks. Another month or so he'll be bouncing balls around the court again, and I'll be persuading him that he ought to pay attention to his schooling. And less to the PS2.

Gabriel is no different to any other nearly fourteen-year-old. Except that he has a slightly unusual name and is slightly overweight. He's in his first sort-of relationship which is spiralling down the same roller-coaster as my own fledgling relationships at his age spiralled down. He's middling at everything at school (except sport, although he's even found an answer to that; and art, although I'm not sure where that is going to take him) and I'm happy with that as I think he is applying himself as best as he can.

Andrew is no different to any other fifteen-year-old. Except that his sexuality leans towards the pink end of the spectrum, as it where. But that makes no difference whatsoever. Is he the first youth to get the alleged hots for a teacher? Of course not. Is he the first openly gay (even if it was forced) boy of his age to be abused, both verbally and physically? Would be stupid to think that. Is he the first teenager to ever act unpleasantly towards his parents in order for him to move things in a certain direction? Don't be ridiculous. Andrew's future is golden - he's going to fly through his examinations, end up at University and find an entire new life waiting there for him. I'm actually jealous of him…

Is Ripley the first cat to be ever given as a Christmas present? I doubt that.

Is my brother the first brother to conveniently re-establish a relationship with his brother as his marriage is breaking up? Nope.

Then there's me. I am the first guy who drinks too much? Who makes continual plans to regain the fitness, spirit and mentality he's shown in the past but then finds it so easy to forget about them? Especially when he opens the door to snow and ice and frozen and icy streets. I am the first employee to lose a great boss and gain a dubious one? I am the first bloke to lose his wife then develop misanthropic tendencies towards the majority of human kind? Oh, no no no no.

So I've come to realise - I DO have a normal life. And I should stop feeling depressed because I don't. Because I do. I don't have to change a thing.

Except the drinking, which is starting to worry me, as obviously the boys are beginning to pick up on it. I've have periods of 'medium' drinking before but have always come out of them with incredible ease. This time seems a little different - I know it's doing me no good but I'm finding it harder to say no. I just enjoy it too much - not the mornings after, though. Nor the spare tyre it's inflating around my waist. Is this how addiction starts? Or am I already too far down the line? I've made another decision to cut down this very morning - like I do every morning. As of last night there's no alcohol whatsoever in the house so if I don't buy any I can't drink any. I don't want to add it up but I must have spent over £50 on booze last week. That's a bit rubbish, isn't it? I know I'm paid enough and don't have a mortgage but still, it's a heck of a lot of money to be pouring down my throat.

As for my wobbly tummy, thighs and @rse, that obviously needs refreshing. I've focused too much on running in the past, and currently - I just don't want to run. I miss certain aspects of it - the long runs that used to get me out the house every Sunday morning especially, but at the moment I know I am totally incapable of running anything further than three or four miles. And I've no desire to put the hours in to make long runs a possibility again.

But I'm definitely not saying never again. Perhaps I need to "cross-train" a little more? Finding something to re-spark my interest in general fitness again? Then running may find itself re-introduced into my schedule.

My blog is becoming Galadriels' mirror: "Some things that are, some things that were, and some that have not yet come to pass."

Okay, so back to the things that are (or rather, were): Packed all three of mine successfully off to school and college this morning. Andrew appeared to be moderately sullen - that kind of sullen that's obviously forced rather than natural - rather than enraged. He still exchanges only the forced niceties with me, which I'm taking as a relief as I still feel the verbal rockets will be eventually on their way. No idea whether he's texted or phoned David - I trust Mr Aldridge will be keeping his side of the bargain. He certainly better damned well be.

Left earlier than normal today to drop my brother off at the nearest train station, which is actually quite a fair distance out of my way, so I hope it's appreciated. Colin has quickly become withdrawn and in a few ways as uncommunicative as Andrew. Naturally, he has several things spinning around his brain at the moment and I don’t think the appropriate time for me to probe has yet arrived, if it ever will.

So far today, I have largely been bored, as I am "between projects". This is not a good place to be.