Let Them Eat Cake

Danny woke me up at about five in the morning yesterday (so much for my second chance of a non-work lie-in) saying he was having stomach cramps. I could not offer any explanation as to why this child has suddenly become my responsibility. I thought about calling his parents but as they seem to have given little consideration to his health so far over the I thought they wouldn't be too impressed at such an early morning wake up (I knew I hadn't been) even for their own child, even if the poor bu66er hadn't been home since Saturday. So I blinked myself awake (or at least tried to) and sat down on the edge of the bed with him.

I asked how painful his stomach felt, and he sort of grimaced but said not too bad. Looking at him (and more importantly, his tummy) he seemed to have lost a whole layer of blubber from there. I asked him when was the last time he had eaten and he thought for a moment and then said he couldn't remember. So I told him he was probably feeling ravenous but as his stomach would still probably feel sore from hitching up yesterday the hunger pangs were being mis-translated as hunger pains. I advised him to go downstairs and have a slight of toast and some milk. Danny's face displayed that perhaps he wasn't too enamoured with this idea, but I slapped him gently on the back and said C'mon, which served evidently to persuade him. I resisted the urge to slap his butt once he'd gotten up as I might with my own kids.

Once I was back in bed I got to wondering: Is it just me, or it is everyone who feels that once they've had children, you automatically gain feelings of love and affinity with all kids? Okay, not *all* kids as some kids are just little offsprings of Beelzebub. I certainly had no considerations for children before I became a father. They were just a strange alien race of short people with seemingly boundless amounts of energy and noise who just generally got in the way and spoilt things for us adults. But then becoming a father (albeit initially reluctantly) changes all that. You make your goals but it gets you to realising: If there's one thing on this f*cked-up little planet worth living for, it's your kids. And children in general. Just a shame we've leaving this planet in such a mess for future generations.

Anyhow, I now had warm, cuddly feelings for Danny and felt guilty for dismissing him previously as a waste of space. If he wants to leave absolutely no mark on life before he dies, then who am I to argue? Once I die, I don't suppose the papers will be chocca of eulogies for yours truly, so how can I judge? Danny's not even a teenager yet - he may go on to utter greatness.

Despite much pointless pontificating, I managed to get a few more zeds in before being awoken from some loud shouts from downstairs. Seemed to be Gabriel who was doing the majority of the shouting. Resignedly I hoisted myself from my bed and pulled on a dressing gown.

The reason for Gabe's vociferous ire: Danny's sin in eating all the bread. The basis of Gabe's argument: That Danny shouldn't be eating any of *our* stuff as he doesn't live here. I pointed out that (a) Danny is a guest, (b) whilst he is a guest he to all intents and purposes does live here until he decides (or his mum and dad decide) otherwise, and as such he is entitled to anything that we ourselves are entitled to - within polite reason. Gabriel of course immediately began further protests, so I alerted him to the concept of getting his @ss to the local shop and buying some bread which obviously he hadn't considered as (a) it would involve the usage of some of his energy and (b) it would involve the usage of some of his own funds. Gabe told me that Danny should go - but then Lukas shouted that *he* would go and Danny would go with him. So that I believe, was that sorted.

Once the smaller boys were out of the way I told Gabe he needed to start thinking about what he was taking to Germany. This generated an instant frown from him. I asked (a bit needlessly) what the problem was and he said that he didn't want to go to Germany. So I said we've gone through this hundreds of times - I want this to happen for me. I want to go on holiday with all three of my sons and it'll be the last time very probably that such a thing will happen. Gabriel said Well, Andrew says he's not coming. I told him that Andrew *was* coming. Gabe told me that Andrew is insisting that he isn't. I told Gabe that I am insisting that he *was* coming, and so was he, and so was Lukas. Andrew was coming even if me and Colin had to man-handle him on to the plane.

Gabe asked if Danny was coming. I said of course not.

Andrew was in bed most of the morning, surfacing at eleven. He came down, ate some lunch, then disappeared. I didn't bring up Germany as I didn't want the argument. Yet.

Danny began to look better (and plumper) as the day wore on. I suggested after dinner that he go home tonight, but he looked so disappointed at this idea I relented and he slept over yet again. No call from his parents at all yesterday, so I guess they don't mind. At all.